Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
