dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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