Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
