Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
