I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
