I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
