youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
