I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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