I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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