College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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