If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
