One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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