Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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