don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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