I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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