Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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