why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
