how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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