I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
