I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
