Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
