god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
