Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they need to just BURY HIM!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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