dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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