I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
