Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
