Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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