I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize