handjob tips. give me some.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
