And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
