Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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