the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize