if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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