we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
