Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
