Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
