Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
