Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
