Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
