So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
