woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
