Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
