Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
