my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
