Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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