I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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