We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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