I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
