I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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