dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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