sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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