you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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