hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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