It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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