So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
