Me too!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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