end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
