i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
