i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
