we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
