You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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