is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
