your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
