i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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