I CAN MOONWALK!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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