i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
