Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Randomize
