I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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