I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize