I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
