Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
