we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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