She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
