think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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