Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
