Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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