It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
