Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
