i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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