And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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