How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Houston, we have a blender
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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