Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
