evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
