sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
